Presenting my bookshelf + pictures with authors who came here in the Philippines. <3
I want you. I want to throw you against a wall, wrap your legs around my waist and kiss you. Kiss you until we have to stop to catch our breaths. I want you and only you. I want to take you on road trips that lead us to pulling over on the side of the road because we can’t keep our hands off each other. I want you and your flaws. I want your messy makeup from teary eyes as I hold you and talk to you about life. I want the 3am phone calls because you can’t sleep at night. I want to be yours and only yours. I want to taste all your cooking, even if it’s not good, even if it’s experimenting I’d have you cook every meal for the rest of my life. I want you. I want my trembling hands to grab your waist and dance with you in the middle of an empty room. I want to struggle on days when I can’t see you. I want to fight about meaningless stuff that will lead to meaningful sex. I want you. I want your hand to rest on my forearm as we enter a party, so I can reassure you that you are safe with me. I want to sing to you in the shower and have you shut me up with kisses because we both know I’m no singer. I want the ups and downs, the winter and summer days. I want you and only you…
Who did that to you? Who fucked you up so bad, emotionally and mentally that you’ve completely shut down anyone who tries to help you. You don’t talk about your feelings, you push kind people away, and you let negative people in. You refuse to open up and let someone love or care about you. Who fucking did that to you?
I never knew junior life is going to be this busy. Projects, homeworks, deadlines, etc. All these and I’m still wondering how I have survived the past two months. From the sleepless nights to endless examinations. Stress made its way to me. Maybe that’s the reason why sometimes my mood is off. Or why I shut off people. Because I don’t want to be reminded of the other responsibilities and priorities that I should do. And I’m afraid that if I talk to them, all I’m going to say is how shitty I have been. I feel empty.
But you. You always make me smile. Even if sometimes you admit that it’s hard for you to make me laugh, still, all efforts are appreciated. You buy me food whenever I forget to eat my lunch, or when I don’t have time because I’m busy. You carry my things, because you know how heavy it is. You let me sleep even if we were supposed to do something productive. You are proud of me. You always send me ‘good morning’ texts, reminding me that I should eat my breakfast and I should be careful going to school. Or your messages before we go to sleep. You always remind me how much you love me. And I, will always be thankful for what you do for me. I admit I’m not that easy to handle, still you carry me like I’m a porcelain doll. As if I’m fragile and you’re afraid that I might break. You’re always patient around me. AND ADMIT IT YOU CAN’T RESIST MY CUTENESS. Haha! Words aren’t enough to describe how thankful I am. It was unexpected, a whirlwind. I know that I’m not the type to express my feelings. But I’m trying, for you. For us. We’ll never know what the future may bring. All I can say is that we’re going to face the hardships as a team. You and I, right? Ngochi and Panchi, <3
Advice from Adventure Time (x)
What if somebody falls for your words, not just your looks? Someone who reads every line of your paragraph, deciphering your thoughts in each sentence? What if there’s somebody out there who might actually be loving you for reading the real you and knows when you’re pretending or not in real life? Someone who knows your story and would accept you just as you are? What if..
i. I am in love with your voice. It is like a candy to my ears. It is too sweet and soothing. It has its own way of calming me down when all I ever want to do is to panic. It has its own way of retrieving this tingly feeling inside of me. Every song you sing has become my favorite. Every line of the lyrics is like a wave of clarity in my system. Just the sound of your voice could make me feel alive and happy at the same time. No one has ever done this to me before. Not even my favorite vocalist of the band that I always listen to. Your voice is something that I will never get tired of listening to and I haven’t listened to anyone’s voice the way I listened to yours.
ii. I am in love with your words. The way you weave them into a comfortable blanket that is making me warm. They way you choose every single one to come up with a phrase that is so magical, I don’t have any idea how you do it. The way you construct your sentences and then later create a piece that could trigger my consiousness. The way you write those words that are somehow different from any writers that I know. I am in love with the way you write for there is something about your pieces that makes me read it all over again, the way I read my favorite novels for the nth time. Your words have this kind of spell on me and no matter what happens, I will always believe them.
iii. I am in love with your smile. The way you flash your cutest grin at me every time you are saying a joke. The way you smirk whenever you are teasing me. The way you just smile at me. It has its own way of making my heart melt as if it is ice cream and you are the heat who is determined to take out all of its coldness. It has its own way of making me feel like I am not alone and that no matter how hard life can be, your smile is still there to make me happy. It has its own power over me and it gives me this force that I could smile too. I love looking at your smile because its magnificence makes me think that it is the most beautiful view I have ever seen in this world.
iv. I am in love with everything about you. Every move you make, ever step you take, every single thing that you do not fake. I am in love with the way you close your eyes and the way you wink. I am in love with the way you look at me whenever I try to decipher everything about you. I am in love with the way you are you and that you are not anyone else or you are not trying to be like everyone else.
v. I am in love with you. Do I need to say more?
Seriously can’t wait. Why can’t it come out in the UK sooner?!